Guides · Dating apps

How to stop wasting time on dating apps

Most wasted time on dating apps is not about looks. It comes from finding out late that two people want different things. Here is how to find out sooner.

People are often looking for different things

In a 2022 Pew Research Center survey of 6,034 US adults, 63% of men under 30 and 34% of women under 30 described themselves as single (meaning not married, not living with a partner and not in a committed relationship).¹

The same survey asked single people who were looking what they wanted. Single-and-looking women were more likely than men to say they were looking only for a committed relationship (41% vs 25%), while half of single-and-looking men said they wanted a committed relationship and/or casual dates, against 35% of women.¹

These are US self-reports from one survey, not a rule about any individual. They do show why “what are you looking for?” is worth asking early: a sizeable share of people on any app will want something different from you.

Where the time actually goes

Unstated intent. Weeks of good conversation before anyone says whether they want something casual or serious.
Unasked basics. Children, where each of you wants to live, and how serious you are tend to surface late, and they can end things regardless of chemistry.
Thin profiles. A profile with little in it gives you nothing to judge or talk about, so chats stall.
Open-ended chatting. Conversations with no next step drift until someone stops replying.

Practical ways to find out sooner

Say what you’re looking for in your profile. It filters out mismatches before either of you spends time.
Ask the basics early and lightly. “Do you want kids?” within the first few chats is normal, not pushy.
Set a next step. If a conversation has gone well, suggest a call or a coffee, rather than letting it run indefinitely.
Notice effort in both directions. Steady, specific replies are a better sign than a burst of attention.
Let go of dead chats. A quiet conversation is an answer.

How MoonVibe helps

MoonVibe asks about relationship goals, children and attachment style when you join, and for Premium members compares those answers on the traffic light. Matches that go quiet eventually expire, so your list doesn’t fill up with conversations that went nowhere. It cannot make anyone reply, and it does not promise you’ll find the one. It aims to help you find out sooner whether you want the same things.

Frequently asked questions

How long should I chat before meeting?

There is no research-backed number. A common rule of thumb is to suggest a call or a meet once the conversation has a good rhythm, rather than letting it run for weeks.

Is it rude to ask about kids early?

No. It is a basic compatibility question, and asking early saves both people time.

Do these statistics apply outside the US?

The survey covers US adults only. It is useful context, but may not reflect other countries.

Sources

1. Pew Research Center (8 February 2023). For Valentine’s Day, 5 facts about single Americans. Survey of 6,034 US adults, 5–17 July 2022. pewresearch.org